The hard part...

I would have to say that since the 20 week appointment this pregnancy has gone fairly well. I'm tired a lot and I start to ache if I try to do too much. Well, last week at almost 28 weeks I started having braxton hicks. It has scared me to death. I never had them with Christian so I just didn't expect this. They don't hurt, but they just keep coming no matter how much water I drink or how much I rest. After they started I went to the doctor the next day. Of course, no contractions during the appointment. Off and on I had them all weekend and then last night, Monday night, they started again and I felt like that was enough so we went to the hospital. We were there for one hour. Of course, no contractions by the time I got there. They monitored me for the entire hour, checked me for dilation, and did an ultra sound. Everything was still closed up tight and I wasn't put on bed rest of anything. Just told to take it easy if I start to feel them, drink a lot of water and come back in if I think that they have become too frequent or if they become much more intense. So, it looks like I'm just going to have to live with them until she arrives, unless they miraculously stop (which I am definitely praying for!). It 's just really stressful because you just don't know what to do. You don't know if you need to go to the hospital or the doctor, when is the right time? All I know if that I'm just bound and determined to keep this girl inside of me for as long as possible. Pray that I can.

A Most Unlikely Tale

In mid-November right before Thanksgiving I was 15 weeks along and started having some weird discomfort. It was not necessarily painful but it was odd so I went to the doctor to have it checked out. My mom went with me because Micheal had a lot going on at work and was really working on a deadline. The doctor wanted an ultrasound so we had one with the same tech that had done every ultra sound that I'd ever had at that office. The baby and my cervix both looked good and strong and as she was looking around she asked if we wanted to know that gender. I said no because my husband wasn't with me. She said, "well, I know what you're having so if you change your mind just tell me." We couldn't believe that she knew the gender because the ultra sound had been very quick and I had been watching the entire time and never saw a shot that could have been gender. I just figured that I had had so many ultrasounds that I would have been able to see "the goods" had they been there. My mom was very disappointed that I wouldn't let her tell us the gender. I really thought that if I had Micheal would have been upset. After the ultrasound we met with the doctor. She told us that everything looked good and THEN convinced me to have the tech write the gender down and put it in an envelope. I was skeptical. I just wasn't sure that I wanted to find out the gender of our baby in that way. BUT, the doctor and my mom convinced me to do it. So we did. I took the envelope home that night and Micheal opened it in front of Christian and myself. I was videotaping the whole thing. "It's a Boy!" Honestly we were underwhelmed and kind of resigned to the fact that we never really thought we would have anything other than a boy. I was just thrilled that at my ultrasound that day the baby had been healthy. To my shame, I cried after finding out we were having a boy. It was like no matter what positive thoughts I thought, the tears just kept falling. I'm so outnumbered with all of these men in my house and I had really just prayed for a little girl that I would hopefully have a wonderful relationship with like I have with my mother. Over the next few weeks we really got used to the idea of having another boy. Christian seemed excited. We talked about names and eventually gave him the name Sawyer James, which we just absolutely LOVED. I realized all of the positives about having another boy and really started to bond with him and get excited about him. I ordered a blanket with his name on it. We talked to Christian about him and his name. He was our much anticipated little boy. On December 7th I went to the doctor to have my 20 week appointment and big ultrasound. My regular tech was on vacation so I had a different lady, one that I had never seen before. The ultra sound went well. She was very thorough and as she checked each part of the baby she remarked that everything looked great, measuring right on track. Approximate weight 14 oz. Right on track. She told us that she would confirm the gender at the end. She started looking between the baby's legs and she was doing A LOT of looking...so were we. We couldn't see anything. She looked from different angles, the baby's hand was in the way at one point, looking, looking. At this point I realized that we weren't seeing anything because there was nothing to see. No male parts. Micheal and I just kept looking at each other wondering if we were both thinking the same thing. The tech actually then left the room and got another ultrasound tech. She came in and looked around on her own. They were kind of talking in code and pointing at their screen. Then they said that they both agreed and told us that we weren't having a boy. We were having a girl. I started to cry, my heart started to race. I said, "you can't tell us that unless you are 100% sure". They said that they were. There were no male parts, just the 3 lines of a female. They printed out several pictures from several angles. We were having a girl. I thought that Micheal might whoop and holler throughout the entire office. There are no words for the shock that we felt. We weren't angry at all though. We had mixed emotions. A little mourning for our Sawyer, but then also elation to be expecting a sweet girl. Above all, a healthy baby that we had been blessed with. A baby that was a blessing to our family whether it had been a girl OR a boy.

Baby on Board :)

So I've got a baby on board and I need to write about it! I've been reluctant to write about the baby just because I've been nervous, but as of yesterday we have seen the baby twice and heard a very strong heart rate twice so I'm feeling better about it.

Well baby...you were hard earned by mommy and daddy! I have poly cystic ovarian syndrome and with big brother I only had to take metf.ormin to assist in becoming pregnant. This time we had some secondary infertility. The metform.in alone was not enough! So, we sought the help of Dr. A in Cincinnati. He is a fertility specialist who has helped many of my friends and he was well worth the drive to Cincinnati a few times per month. We began seeing Dr. A in April (after three failed rounds of cl.omid) and by August we were expecting a sweet baby. Our success happened via fema.ra, ovidr.el and iui. Our iui occurred on July 28th and I got my first positive home pregnancy test on August 9th. Daddy, nana, and Opa were so excited. On August 11th I had a blood test which showed a HCG level of 27. This number was pretty low and I was very very worried. A week later the HCG level had risen to 312. Because the numbers doubled appropriately Dr. A felt like everything was good. I felt a little bit relieved but I knew that we wouldn't feel real relief until the ultrasound which wasn't for another THREE WEEKS!!
During week 6 of my pregnancy we packed up and went on vacation to Hilton Head. This was timed perfectly with mommy starting to not feel good! We had a great time though and it was a great way to get my mind off of the wait.
On September 12th at 12:45 our wait was over and there was our little peanut on the ultrasound monitor. Heart beating fast and furious at 140 bpm and a due date of April 21st 2012!! What a relief!!! On our drive home we made a bunch of phone calls to spread the good news. We mainly only told our families and closest friends at this point. Everyone was very excited for us and for C to become a big brother! A few days after this ultrasound we sat down with C and told him that he was going to become a big brother. We explained that God had decided that he wanted our family to have another baby and so he has put a growing baby in mommy's belly. Well, at first C said, "I don't want to be a big brother." Mommy and Daddy just kept talking to him about it and we showed him the ultrasound picture and we really felt like he grasped the concept that there is something growing in mommy's belly. He brings the baby up pretty regularly and asks to see the baby's picture all the time. I can't wait to show him the ultrasound pictures as the baby grows.
On September 22nd I had my first appointment with my regular doctor, Dr. C. She is the same doctor that delivered C. We looooove her. The ultrasound went so well! We had one wiggly, cute little baby in there measuring perfectly with a heart rate of 174 bpm. Mommy couldn't help but cry as I watched my baby on the screen moving around, waving it's little arms and legs. It was such a special moment that I will treasure forever. At this appointment we were 9 weeks, 6 days.
So we have a second tiny life on the way and we could not be more thrilled and anxious to meet him or her. Boy or girl...it doesn't matter (although a girl would be nice). We are just so greatful for this gift from God. God will be with us every step of the way...what a miracle He is giving us!

We recycle our toys around here...

For me, a very surprising facet of motherhood has been what my child has wanted to play with. The most surprising toys of choice have been...my toys. Toys from my childhood. My mother kept many of my better toys and when my son was born she brought them out, washed them, and gave them to him to play with. He was in heaven. I never thought about toys being timeless, but I guess that they are. The circus train filled with various circus animals...always a good time.

The tool set and the cash register. The register still has paper money and coins and still dings!

These were all mine as well. Mickey, one of my pound kitties (Christian ripped her eye out), and a stuffed dog given to me by my late grandfather when I was two years old.

This book is his current obsession and is actually not from my childhood but my aunt's. This book is probably 50 years old, but we read it over and over and over. He just can't get enough.

It's a simple, but beautiful story about a boy and his pony. I enjoy reading it (Thankfully!).

I will not be selling all of Christian's toys when he gets too old for them. There will be some that I'm already looking forward to seeing my grandchildren playing with!

A Monday

"Hey Everybody it's me, Mickey Mouse." oh wait, just kidding. I'm just confused because Mickey Mouse is on at our house daily and that darn show has music that will make even the most stoic adult sing in the shower. I've been known to make a fool of myself over Mickey Mouse...it never fails to make the little man laugh.


Right now C would like for you to see how cool his back hoe and track hoe are...

See cool, huh? He seems to think so...as in, he's obsessed. It must be a boy thing.

Smile! it's Monday evening...only four more days until the weekend.

Weekend Random

My hubby and I were able to go out last night without children (GASP!) It was a lovely evening filled with dinner out, a quick field trip to Wally World (for shot gun shells....soooo romantic), and then we came home and watched a movie together. I was also very happy to sleep until 8:30 this morning which felt like a miracle to me especially since our little guy likes to get up at 5:30 am these days.

DVR - The greatest invention that I lived without for so many years and now I believe that I CANNOT live without it. We have created quite a large library of TV shows and movies on our DVR. I hardly ever watch live TV anymore. Commercials...what are those?!?!

Tonight C was praying before dinner and thanked God for Opa's motorcycle...I felt like a bad mom...amen.

It is 8:30 and my husband is in bed, asleep, snoring LOUDLY, with a heating pad on his back, and a western playing on the TV. When did my husband turn 70? I was under the mistaken impression that he is 33.

I'm surrounded by people expecting babies!!!!!!! I've never in my life thought that I could know so many pregnant women at one time. I can't keep it all straight. Who is due when? Who is having a girl? Who is having a boy? I'm seriously considering making a spreadsheet. Seriously.

My latest obsession...

I love to read. I usually read books that are mindless, easy reads. Romance, Mystery, Science Fiction, etc. I recently found this series of books by Karen Moning called The Fever Series. There are 5 books in the series and this book, Shadowfever, is the final book. These books instantly gripped me. I DEVOURED them. They are intense, dark, emotional roller coaster books that take place in a unique, science fiction world. Each book is filled with more questions than answers. The heroine is a very unlikely heroine that I never thought I could root for. I was on the edge of my seat. I will be re-reading them for sure and they have an official place on my all time favorites shelf.

• It was a sunny Saturday so I spent a lot of time outside with my little man. He loves it outside, of course, so today made him a very happy boy. We went to a park/playground with some of our friends and he climbed, ran, slid down the slides, attempted the monkey bars, and swung with the best of them. Much fun.

Conversations

Setting: Eating dinner at home last night
Mommy: "C, you have to eat your potatoes. I promise that you will like them!"
Little Man: "Aye Aye Captain!!"

Setting: Staying with Nana and Opa while mommy and daddy go out to eat. Mommy and daddy have just left. C is crying.

Nana: "There's no need to cry honey, Mommy and Daddy will be back in just a little while. You are going to eat dinner and play with Nana and Opa!"

Little Man: "I just need Mommy. I need to see her picture."

A List: Some of the things that I love about my little man

He discovers something new everyday. Today, as I was driving, I looked in the rearview mirror and he was pulling at his eyebrows, bringing his hands down and checking out the eyebrow hairs that he was pulling out. He continued to do this for about 10 minutes. The look of amazement and wonder on his face was priceless!

He often looks at me and says, "You are the best mommy." or "I love you, Mommy"

Lately he has been picking up on our emotions. He senses when something is wrong and asks, "What's wrong mommy?" Then he listens intently to what you have to say.

He's all boy. Climbing, running, yelling, eating alot, he's got it all down. There is nothing about my baby that isn't all boy.

Considering climbing this gate, no doubt.



• His prayers are precious. He is very interested in saying his prayers himself instead of us saying them for him. We let him pray in what ever way he wants. Each prayer is priceless.


• He has a passion for two songs in particular; Sugarlands 'Stuck Like Glue' and The Black Eyed Peas 'Boom Boom Pow'. I have no idea why. He asks to hear them constantly.


• He's brave. Every milestone or big step in his life has gone somewhat seamlessly. I've worried and fretted over everything. Introducing baby food, taking away the bottle, having tubes put in his ears, taking away the pacifier, potty training, etc. He's faced everything head on and without very much fear and I'm just so proud of him for how he's handled all of it. I know that these things are small potatoes in the grand scheme of things, but I hope that I'm seeing a glimpse into the way he will handle the hard stuff in the future.


• This face...

A Birthday

Today is my grandmother's birthday. She is 82. In her 82 years she has lived a life that, no one that I know, can even compare their life to. I find her life fascinating. I love to talk with her about it, hear her stories. She was born in Germany to an un-wed mother. Her mother punished her for this fact all of her life. Her brother was born 10 years after her and he was never punished because he was male. She lived a childhood of daily hard work, constantly trying to stay out of her mother's way in a small (but beautiful) town in Germany. It was a Germany that had just lived through the first World War and was about to enter into another. The Second World War stripped her family of what little they had and she moved out even though she longed to stay and protect and care for her brother. She met my grandfather after he had become injured fighting in the war for the Germans. He was from a prominent family that had also been brought to its knees by the war. He saved my grandmother from a lifetime of poverty and hopelessness. He saw in her a fighter, a wise soul, a woman that would never leave his side. They rarely saw one another as he fought his way through veterinary school in Germany. They married and applied for sponsorship so that they could safely come to the U.S. Their first child was born in Germany and less than a year after her birth they were accepted for sponsorship by a small town doctor in Western Kentucky. My grandfather left and my grandmother came across the Atlantic alone with their few possessions and an infant in tow. She knew no english. She made her way to my grandfather in Kentucky and there they made a life for themselves. She taught herself english with the help of television and the sponsor doctor's family. My grandfather flourished as a veterinarian in their area and eventually took over his sponsors practice when he retired. They had two more children and my grandmother stayed at home and devoted her life to taking care of her children and her husband. The first thing that my grandfather did when he became financially stable in Kentucky was to buy land and pay it off. He believed that land was something that could never be taken away from you in the U.S. He relished the freedom that the United States gave them. A freedom that was never found back in Germany. My grandmother and grandfather never deluded themselves about the fact that they were Germans living in the middle of Kentucky right after World War II. They knew that they were being eyed suspiciously and even mocked at times. They did everything that they could to make themselves Kentuckians. To make their children "fit in". This was done at the expense of their German heritage. It was a heritage that they hardly ever talked about even to their children.



When I was two years old my grandfather died and part of my grandmother died with him. There is a longing in her eyes that is ever present. It is obvious that they had the kind of love that is soul deep. In college, I went with my grandmother to Germany. We spent two weeks exploring her past and my grandfather's past. I saw the house where she was born, the house where she was when the Americans raided their town and took it over from the Germans, I saw her mother's grave, saw my great grandparents graves, met untold number of relatives, and saw castles and land vastly different from Kentucky. Two treasured weeks.



I thank God for making her my grandmother. For delivering her straight into my grandfather's arms and then across the ocean to this place called Kentucky. My roots on my father's side might not be generations upon generations old in this place, but they run deep and they are strong. She made sure of it.

I guess that I'll claim him :)

The Weekend That Was

The weekend was excellent but it was over with WAY too fast!!
The big boys were at our house this weekend and we love having them there...C ESPECIALLY loves having them at his beck and call. They are his personal play toys. They are 10 and 9 and tolerate him very well. We had friends over for dinner on Friday night and they brought their two children. They have a baby girl that is about 6 months old and I could have just eaten her up! C wanted to pet her and talk to her and boss her around. It was very cute.
Saturday was filled with basketball games for the big boys and Monkey Joes with friends for the little guy. We have never ventured to Monkey Joes before...it was quite the experience. I had to bribe C with treats to get him out of the bounce houses. He was delirious with excitement. He would just lay on his back, kicking his feet in the air, screaming. That place was really tough on Mommy's nerves but we will definitely be going back because he liked it so much.
After Monkey Joes we went to church where the sermon was about "Worry". Ummmm, did I need to hear this sermon or what?!?!? I will never forget this sermon. Fear or Faith? I have a choice...which one is it going to be???
Yesterday was a productive day at home where we cleaned out the garage, threw a ton of stuff away, Daddy put together the new basketball goal, I cleaned the house, did laundry, and went to my favorite store Targ.et!
C is currently complaining off and on that his ear hurts so I have a feeling that we will be visiting the doctor in the very near future.
Favorite C quote from the weekend: C is staring out the window and says, "Go away coyotes, stay far away from here!" Someone has been watching wayyyyy too much Go, Diego, Go.

Way Back

Prior to our little man being born I started another blog that was completely private. I didn't share it with anyone because it contained a lot of ramblings, complaints, praises, fears, etc. I wanted to share a post that I wrote when I was 8 weeks pregnant with C. It is an amazing thing to look back at myself during that time in my life. It's a wonder I could even breathe with all of the anticipation and fear that I was holding inside of me!

Dear Tiny Life,
You are eight weeks old and growing inside of me! Tomorrow daddy and I will be going to the doctor and we will get to see you again. We are praying (along with a lot of other people that love you already) that you are fine and that you are growing right on track. We are so very happy and excited that you will be joining our family. Mommy took FOUR TESTS because she was so shocked to see that positive sign. I was shocked with excitement, for sure. Daddy was speechless when Mommy told him. Then a few minutes later he was whooping and hollering because you will find out that Daddy is not silent very often! We had to tell your Nana and Pappy about your existence while they were on vacation! It was so hard to tell them over the phone, but they were going to be gone for another week and a half and Mommy just could not wait! Nana cried, of course and Pappy was thrilled. We think that it made their vacation even better. When we told your big brothers they were very excited. They automatically thought that you will be a girl, but of course, only time will tell. Mommy and Daddy will be thrilled if you are a boy or a girl...it doesn't matter to us.

You will be a hard won baby. Mommy has already had some problems and I'm taking a lot of medicine in order to keep my body healthy. I want to make a good home for you and I will do whatever it takes to make that happen.

For the past two weeks you have been making Mommy feel very sick. It's not your fault, of course, but it's just Mommy's body's way of reminding me that "Yup, I'm pregnant!" This will probably continue for the next month or so and then I really hope that it goes away. The other day Mommy went to the grocery store and couldn't even make it all the way through the store. Last night Mommy had to give up her ticket to watch her FAVORITE basketball team play. Boo. I know that you are worth all of this, though. Mommy and Dadddy love you so much already!

Here is what the world is like during your 8th week:

Main news story - The presidential election. Even though the election won't be until after you are born, right now there are primaries going on. Democrats are Hillary Clinton vs. Barack Obama. Republicans are John McCain vs. Mike Huckabee.

Celebrities in the news (because your Ma loves her some celebrity gossip): Britney Spears is trying to get her life back together. Jennifer Lopez just gave birth to twins. The Jonas Brothers and Hannah Montana (Miley Cyrus) are taking over the world.

Price of a gallon of gas is $3.19

What's cool? "going green", Apple products, Ugg boots, skinny jeans, reality TV (probably not all that cool, but it is popular), little kids love High School Musical, texting, DVR, Starbucks, the internet, Wii, Guitar Hero

The weather here is very cold, dreary, snowy. EVERYONE is ready for spring.

This is a picture of daddy right before we found out we were expecting a boy!!

What's in a name?

"In Every Season I know you love me...I know you love me...you go before me, you shield my way...I know you love me." ~At the Cross, Hillsong Live

I thought that "In Every Season" was the pefect title for this blog, which is about my life (and a lot about my son's life). The good, the bad, the sweet, the ugly and everything in between. God is in control of my life and I'm trying to remember that. When my son talks back to me...God is in control. When I realize that I'm 29 and live in my parent's basement...God is in control. When my closest friends move far away...God is in control. When my husband makes me feel like the most wonderful wife in the world...God is in control. When I spend a wonderful day with my precious mother...God is in control. In Every Season he is there leading me. In Every Season I will love my husband, my children, my family, and my friends. Good Seasons and bad. I've had it all. I love life and am determined to fully live each moment no matter the season.